Can I have your email address up here, please?

Can I Have Your Email Address Before You Scroll?

Just enter your email address. It's not hard. Just do it. Please?

I Want Your Email Address

Don’t think about it. Just enter your email address into any of the places I’ve provided for you. Then, you can be on your way.

I made it extremely easy for you to join my mailing list, and yet you think this is a game. This is not a game. I want your email address! And I want it NOW!

Maybe I’ll send you a free e-book. Maybe you’ll get a series of “valuable” emails from me. Maybe I’ll just delete it.

It’s not your home address. It’s not your mother’s maiden name. It’s not your social security number – Google has all that. If I wanted to, I could Liam Neeson that information about you. Don’t make me use my very specific set of skills.

Look, this doesn’t have to be hard. In fact, it’s really simple. I started this page with a welcome mat. That alone should have gotten me your email address. But maybe it didn’t. Oh well. I have more tactics.

Welcome to the middle of this post. Now, can I please have your email address?

Before I even started this post, I gave you a chance to give me your email address. I gave you a simple link to click. Did you click it? I asked nicely. I said, “please.” That should’ve worked.

Check out the bar at the top of this page. It just keeps following you. No matter where you go, it follows. Lurking above you, waiting for you to give me your email address. There’s nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.

You start reading this post. You’re like, “I’m not interested in this content.” You try to leave. But guess what? Exit intent popup. In your face!

Ok, maybe you like this content. Respect 🙂

You’re reading and enjoying yourself. You’re probably saying, “the person who wrote this is really intelligent.” “He probably hangs dong.” You’re 100% right, my friend. But then, you keep scrolling and you still haven’t given me your email address.

Don’t worry, I got a slide-in opt-in box coming from the bottom right corner of the screen. WATCH OUT, DAWG! Did you see it yet? Did you give me your email address?


Well, shit. You’re smarter than I thought.

Now you’re probably thinking, “I like this guy’s amazing content, but I’m not sure I’m ready to give him my precious email address.”

We’re talking about the same email address you used to sign up for daily cat GIFs. The same email that Nigerian Prince has. The same email address you used to sign up for that free one-day trial of porn.

Still reading? Boom! 90-second pop-up for the ultimate conversion! Give me your email address!

But that’s not all. Oh no, pal. I’m retargeting you on Facebook. Don’t believe me? Go to Facebook right now. This is what it looks like:

Fucking Email Facebook Retargeting Ad

Do you know what I do all day?

I sit in front of my computer and refresh MailChimp. I watch the numbers go up each time. I put effort into annoying the shit out of you until you give me the ONE thing I’ve wanted since you landed on this page: your email address!

What am I saying? Why am I still trying to convince you. Fuck it! I’m done. I’m giving up.

I did everything I could to get your email address.

Oh wait!

There’s one more tactic I can try.

Subscribe below and give me YOUR FUCKING EMAIL ADDRESS!

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LAST CHANCE To Give Me Your Email Address

At this point I've tried every tactic I know to get your email address. This is the last time I'm going to ask you...until you try leaving. Then, I'm going to ask you again! Don't even try going to Facebook after this. I'll be in your feed too!